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page five I woke up in Sam’s arms as usual. I got up and went to find my older brothers. I threw on some clothes and my tattoos burned through them like they had with my other clothes. I glared at them and gave up. I went into the guy’s dormitory and woke them up by tripping over a couple of mats that were awkwardly placed in front of the door. I yelled as I fell over the two sleeping bodies. Half of the male population of the village sat up and glared at me. The two sleeping forms were two women. They grumbled at me and rolled over and kept sleeping. I eventually made my way over to my brothers. They looked extremely embarrassed. “What?” I asked them. “You’re not supposed to be in here anymore. You’ve accepted a marriage proposal.” My oldest brother said. “Too bad. You all know I’m not cheating or anything so get over it.” I said. Sam came in after that comment and grabbed me. He looked seriously pissed and tried to drag me out. I couldn’t keep my temper under control. I burned him. He let out a shocked gasp and dropped my wrist. He looked hurt but I was seriously pissed. “I couldn’t care less if this is disrespectful. I’m trying to talk to my brothers and I probably won’t see them until tonight so leave me alone.” I said. Everybody in the room stared at me in shock. Sam looked like he wanted to cry. I was briefly confused. Then I just couldn’t be around them anymore so I had the earth engulf me. I thought for a long time and then went to Rya’s hut. “Rya?” I asked her, knocking on her door. “Come in,” she said sleepily. I explained to her what had happened and she stared at me aghast. “You just accidently broke your engagement.” She told me. My surprise quickly turned to sorrow. I sobbed into her shoulder and she held me. “I just wanted to talk to my brothers! I haven’t even told them about the engagement and I wanted them to watch mom today. She’s acting so weird around Josiah; I just want them to tell me what’s going on with her. I wanted Sam to leave me alone for awhile. I don’t need to be connected at his hip all day. I need to talk to my family too.” I sobbed into her shoulder. “Why do all the traditions here have to be so confusing? Why does this village have so many rules about how I can act?” I asked her. She held me and let me cry myself out. I went to shower and saw my hair. My silver streak was getting a bit wider now. I got into some traditional village clothes and my tattoos didn’t bother this dress. I went back to Rya and asked her what I should do. “Do you want to marry him still?” She asked me. I nodded. “He’ll move back into the guy’s dormitory and you’ll have to sleep at his feet tonight. It’s seriously degrading. Been there and done that with Qwen, but he always took me back.” She said. I gave her a look that said I wasn’t going to stoop that low. She laughed. “That’s the same look and thought I had when my mom told me that. Seriously, that’s how it works.” She said. I crawled into her bed and slept to pass the day. Around noon I got out of bed. I go and ask Rya were an ax and the logs are. She gave me a curious look. “Why?” She asked me. “I feel like splitting wood.” I said. She gave me a curious look. She directed me to the wood pile. There were guys around and when I picked up an ax they laughed. “You think that you can do that without help?” One guy asked me. I flipped him off and brought the ax down hard on the wood. I split wood for a good hour so I feel like I’ve gotten all of my aggression out. They watch me amazed. When I was done with the big pile I brought I left. I climbed trees for a good long time and then dived off of the highest tree that I could. The feeling was exhilarating. I heard a few screams as people thought I was committing suicide but I opened the earth and traveled underground to the lake. I burst up in the deepest part and swam. I took off my dress and told the water to carry it back to shore. I did laps around the lake until I couldn’t move. Then I got my dress back on and went back to the village. I ate dinner alone and cleaned my plate with people staring at me. I watched mom for a while and then I couldn’t take it anymore. I went and found my oldest brother. “You were engaged to him?” He asked me when I approached him. “Yeah, and I didn’t know that I broke the engagement until Rya told me that what I’d done would break it.” I said sounding annoyed. “Have you seen how mom’s acting around Josiah?” I asked him. “Yeah, she’s acting the same way she acted when she met your dad. After mine died.” He said. I almost fell over. “I knew she was acting weird, but I didn’t even consider something like that. I was thinking it was excessive guilt or something, for, like, deserting the village for twenty years.” I said shocked. I had a sudden burst of energy. “I need to run or something,” I said and turned around. I was running as fast as I could and then I decided to get Rya. “Will you spar with me?” I asked her. She nodded and knocked me off of my feet. We had a full out war that left me so tired I almost blacked out. She steadied me and I sagged into her. “How much have you eaten today?” She asked me. “A couple of apple slices for dinner.” I said. Her eyes got really wide. “Starving yourself isn’t going to help anything.” She said. She dragged me to the kitchen and grabbed me some turkey. She made me a sandwich and when I turned it away she forced me to eat it. After she was done force feeding me I felt a bit better. I was definitely ready for bed so I headed to the hut. It was empty. I sat outside of it weeping. I was completely silent but I couldn’t stop the shaking of my shoulders. I ran far. I was too tired to run but I forced myself farther and farther. I got to the car and wished I was home. I spirited myself there. I took a shower and the empty house frightened me. I raided the fridge and ate all the junk food I could get a hold on. It was one in the morning and I was watching movies when I realized that it wouldn’t get any better than this hurt without him. I went upstairs and made myself utterly me. I put on dark makeup and deep red lip gloss. I put on a traditional tribe dress and moccasins. I did my hair up like I used to, and I did my toe nails black. Each piece of my outfit represented me, in different times of my life and different aspects of who I was. My gray streak hung loose from the gorgeous up do I’d done and my makeup made it look like I was…not anything but me. Nobody could copy me or the way I felt and looked. My eyes were bloodshot and there was so much pain in them it hurt to look at. The ancient sadness was no longer hinted at; it was the dominant feature on my face. I was blocking everything in my mind from Sam. I saw the promise of wisdom in my silver and the promise of disobedient stamped with my makeup. I saw the village and my role in it in the way I was dressed and the person I //was// in my hair. It was done up with a red clip accenting it to show that I wasn’t high in normal societal standards. I put on a necklace that symbolized my love for my family; a necklace that they had all pitched in to buy me when mom hadn’t had enough money with her at the mall. My nails were done with the colors of the elements and the ring stayed on my finger. I studied myself and I saw who I really was. I was a hurt girl with more power than she had ever asked for and would probably never use. That was why it was given to me. I wouldn’t abuse it. I spirited myself back to the village. I got into the guy’s dorm without a problem. I found Sam and curled up next to his feet. It felt wrong to be by his feet, like he should walk on me, but it felt right in a way that said that it was his choice to take me back or step on my pride and leave me there. I didn’t mind. I was asleep in minutes. I woke up to a lot of whispering. Sam was staring at me with disbelief. The rest of the guys were wondering at my outfit. The night hit me and I ran out. As soon as I was outside I hurled up all the junk food I’d eaten. I hurt badly, but I didn’t mind. I called water wash my mouth out and asked the earth to soak up the mess I’d made. I poked my head back in and they were all staring at me with even stranger looks on their faces. I turned and threw up some more. As my stomach heaved I heard Sam come out. He looked awkward at my position. I hurled up more chips and ice-cream. He came forward and held my silver streak of hair so it didn’t get dirty. I told the earth to soak up this mess too and called water to wash my mouth out. I reached up to kiss him, but he pulled away and went back into the dormitory. I ran. I ran and ran. I ran all the way home. The empty house still bothered me but I didn’t care. I took all my clothes off and the makeup and I got into bed. My bare skin felt good against the blankets. I cried myself to sleep. I woke up and I was still alone. I don’t know what I expected, but I hadn’t expected to be alone. I got in the shower and washed away all my tears. I shaved for the first time in weeks and I felt new again. I brushed my teeth and my hair. I went downstairs and I made myself food. Healthy food this time. It was about three and I just couldn’t go back to the village. I felt my heart breaking at the thought and it wasn’t a metaphor. My chest hurt with a real pain that pierced me. I cried out with the pain. Nobody was there to hold me; nobody was going to comfort me. I went and ran about ten miles and I could feel my body burning. But it was faint so I pushed it to twenty miles. My body wouldn’t be ignored anymore so I sat down. My feet hurt badly, but I was only feeling the pain in my chest and my broken heart. I didn’t know where I was so I spirited myself back home. I started cleaning. I cleaned up the mess I’d made the night before and dusted and vacuumed and while I still could I cleaned all the carpets. I dusted and I scrubbed every surface in the house. I cleaned my room and watched a movie and did my makeup and hair the same way as I had last night after showering. It was two in the morning when I spirited myself to the same spot as last night and I slept curled at his feet. I woke up to murmurs and looked to Sam. He still shook his head and tears coursed down my face. I couldn’t speak so I ran again. Nobody tried to stop me. I ran all the way home again and slept. I woke up and realized that I didn’t have anything I could do today. I turned on some music and started painting. I used to paint all the time, but I’d grown out of it. I painted everything I was feeling in me and by the end of the day I was satisfied with my painting. It was beautiful. I let it dry for an hour or two as I made myself a feast and ate. When I finished eating and cleaning up after myself I grabbed the painting and started walking. I walked back to the village and put the painting in Rya’s room with a note as to where it came from and telling her that I didn’t know what to do with it. I curled up at Sam’s feet again and slept. I woke up to murmurs and looked at Sam. He shook his head again and the pain reflected in my eyes must have shocked him because he reached out to me. I reached back but he pulled away before I could touch him. My eyes welled up with tears. I ran home again and slept. It was becoming a routine. Today I wrote my pain. I wrote a million poems of the pain, the gut twisting pain and the chest ache that was there no matter how busy I made myself. I wrote of my body’s ache to be held. I didn’t know what to do with these either. I didn’t want them in my room to stare me through and remind me in my sleep. I brought them to Rya as she slept and left her a note telling her why I was dumping all of these on her. I curled up at his feet again. I woke up to murmuring again and looked to Sam. He just stared at me. I reached out to him and he cringed away from me. It hurt and then a pain so intense I nearly screamed ran through me. I ran out of there. I found Rya. She saw the insane look in my eyes. She took me underground and made me a soundproof bubble and sat with me. I screamed on the top of my lungs. She poked her in and I begged her to kill me. Her eyes got really wide and she asked me when the last time I’d been to the spirit realm had been. I grabbed her and brought us to the spirit realm. Sam and I’s connection was just as strong as ever but my spirit seemed to be cracking; breaking. She asked me to bring her back and I did. I rocked back and forth. She took me to her hut and I rocked there for a long time with unbearable sobs. I could feel my heart tearing in a million pieces. It was hitting me so hard that I wanted to claw my heart out. I was breaking from the inside out and I just wanted to break faster. I wanted it to go away. I heard the hut door open but my panicking eyes couldn’t see anything. I grabbed a piece of paper and I drew my pain. It was amazingly good and I kept going. I was still rocking but I wasn’t on the verge of screaming. I wrote and I could hear again. I summoned fire. I tried to burn myself but I wouldn’t burn. I couldn’t burn. I sobbed harder and wished to die with all of me. “This is what playing her like this is doing to her!” Rya screamed. My eyes focused on something. Sam; the anguish in his face hurt but not more than mine. My chest was being ripped apart. He surged forward and held me. I squeezed him so hard that I don’t think he could breath and I wouldn’t let go. He held me and stroked me. He stared at my art and seemed to comprehend what he’d put me through. I took out every barrier in my mind. They both screamed. Sam held me so tight and cried into me. Rya stared at me with insane eyes. They knew my pain. Sam kissed me and I didn’t let him break away for a long time. Rya slept and we held each other. At dinner we ate together and it was the first time the village had seen me in four days. I could see a tense mood spread throughout all of them. “You let her get to you? Dude, she’s not good enough for you.” One of the guys said. “You didn’t feel what she was feeling. I did. She took down the barriers and it was no wonder why she was breaking, going crazy. I don’t think I could handle any more of that than the hour I felt it with her as she realized I was taking her back. It was… hell; worse than hell.” Sam said. “I don’t know how she didn’t kill herself.” He said. “I thought about it three times an hour.” I said. This information shocked him. “She’s obviously exaggerating.” The guy said. I grabbed his hand. I forced my memory of being in the ground with Rya. He blacked out. “What did you do to him?” His friend demanded. “I showed him how I felt a couple of hours ago.” I said. “I can take and share memories at will.” I said half hysterical. Sam held me close. My silver streak had gotten thicker and kind of poofed out. It was seriously getting thick. When they guy came to, he looked at me and nodded. He understood that he had no right to criticize. Sam led me back to the hut after dinner and he discussed my painting with me for a while. When I started crying he made me feel better in ways that finally told him me he was mine. I woke up in his arms and I clung to him not believing everything was back to the way it was supposed to be. “I can barely breathe.” He said struggling against me. I loosened my grip and he calmed down. “So, we’re back together? For good?” I asked him, my eyes searching. He looked wary. I begged him with my eyes. “I need time to think.” He said and got up. He got dressed. I immediately put up all of my barricades in my mind. I got dressed quickly and ran. I ran home and I curled up on the couch and let my sorrow swallow me. He might not want me back ever. The thought almost tore my soul apart. I began painting again. I turned on my music and painted all day. It felt good and I saw all of my sorrow pour out into that painting. When I was done with it I curled up in my bed. When I woke up after my nap I showered. I saw myself in the mirror and my knees gave out. The tattoos were becoming more and more detailed. My legs looked stronger than they had before. My stomach was starting to curve in, in a way that didn’t look all that healthy. I was losing weight. I tore my eyes away from my body and my face was twisted with such sorrow it hurt to look at. I sat there naked in front of the mirror and let the sorrow break me through and through. It broke down my resistance for anything. It broke down my will to stay sane and my will to not let anybody know how much I hurt. The walls came down one by one. My sorrow had me wishing for a better way. I could feel it killing me. I had a brief flash of Rya, Sam and Isaiah all falling and screaming at once. Rya’s scream was a bloodcurdling cry for mercy. Sam’s was one of guilt and helplessness. Isaiah’s was one of surprise and then for mercy. My sorrow coursed through my body and then with a sudden clarity it all stopped. My mind couldn’t take it anymore. I went on autopilot. I got dressed and brushed my hair. I lay on my bed and then the pain washed over me in torrents. It became physical pain, starting at my toes. It spread through my body starting there and going up slowly and completely. When it went over my head I began to scream. The elements kept my screams from being heard. I was burning with the pain of my sorrow. I could feel my spirit breaking. I spent the night in that kind of pain, and it never let up till morning. Rya came into my room and held me. She held me and she cried with me. Isaiah followed her in and he held me too. I slept for the first time since my last nap and woke up in the village. “I’m not sure if I can marry her. She’s so hard to handle. She’s always breaking the rules and disrespecting me. I can’t deal with that my whole life.” I heard Sam say. The pain washed over me. “Don’t you feel that?” Rya said furiously. “That’s what she feels for you. You’re breaking her soul rejecting her this way. Stop listening to your mind. Look to your heart. Look to your spirit. Do you really want to live without her the rest of your life?” She said. “Imagine it. If you don’t make up your mind, she’ll kill herself. She sees that as a way out and she’s not afraid of it anymore. As she slept, she talked about the ways she could kill herself. She will soon; your spirit breaking is too painful to deal with.” She said her voice shaking. She saw how much the idea appealed to me. A whole new pain came into my mind. It was as bad as mine. It was worse and I couldn’t keep myself from screaming. The siren call that burst from my mouth was a plea for an end, a plea for mercy. Sam had seen himself as my end. It had nearly killed him to see it. “I’ll marry her. I can’t live without her.” He said. My pain subsided for a moment in shock. He crawled into bed next to me and pulled me to him. He kissed me with such a passion that I couldn’t help myself but to lose my mind completely. I completely surrendered my heart, body and soul instantly. He was as much me as I was him. I woke up in his arms again and it was him who squeezed me so hard I could barely breathe. I didn’t mind though. I squeezed him too. “Will you marry me?” He asked me. “Yes,” I answered like it was the most natural thing in the world. We both got dressed and we left the hut together. We went to breakfast and it was the first time in what felt like forever that I’d eaten there. I ate and when I was done I crawled into Sam’s lap. He was already done eating and he held me. All of his friends just stared. I snuggled into him and my mom came up behind me. “I guess you two worked things out then?” She asked me. I nodded. “I have never seen that house that clean.” She said and sat down next to us. I was warm and comfortable and not going to deal with her. I glared at her and she just shrugged and left. “You cleaned your house?” Sam asked me. I nodded. “The second day I couldn’t find anything new to do so I cleaned until it till it shined. Each day I tried to find something new. I painted, wrote, and then yesterday I painted again.” I said. He nodded. “Your paintings are amazing. You never told me you were an artist.” He said. “It never came up.” I said. He rolled his eyes and motioned for me to get off of him. I did and he got up. I followed him and he went and got me some food for lunch. “I’m not going to that school.” I said. “Yes, you are.” He said sternly. “I can’t. I won’t fit in with this face. Give me time to heal.” I said. “You need to go. We’ve skipped so much that they’re getting ready to call us in for it.” He said. “I don’t care. I’m ancient compared to those kids. There is no reason that I should put up with them.” I responded. “This is what separated us in the beginning.” He said. “It wasn’t anything about school! You wouldn’t let me talk to my brothers in the morning.” I said getting seriously pissed. “No, from my view you were being stubborn about something that is insulting and embarrassing in this village. It is shameful for a man to have a woman be allowed into the men’s dormitory, no matter the reason. Unless it’s an absolute emergency it’s an extremely shameful thing.” He said. “Why?” I asked him. He looked confused. “It just is.” He said. “But if there isn’t a reason that it’s shameful, then why is it shameful? “ I asked him. He looked utterly confused. “Teach me, “I said to him. “What?” He asked me. We were cleaning our dishes and I could see half the village staring at me. “Teach me the ways of this village; teach me what’s shameful and what I can do.” I told him. They all stared at me in shock. “I’m not willing to go through that again.” I said. He nodded. He took me to the men’s dormitory. He sat me in back and there was a white board. He tossed me a notebook and we had a whole day of him teaching me the rules and regulations. I took notes and he taught me how I was supposed to look at people who were above me if I wanted to show them respect. People trickled in occasionally to see what was going on. They were astounded to find him teaching me village etiquette. For once I was willing to learn etiquette and to learn how to be respectful. He showed me how to shadow a person when they told you to follow them. Just behind their heels, but make sure you don’t step on them because that makes them feel rushed. Then they might try to lose you. He taught me about how women were expected to shadow their husband, especially at meals. I shook my head and laughed and he realized that this was going to be fairly difficult. At dinner that night I tried to follow all of the rules. I forgot to ask him to pass something and he swatted my hand. I swatted his right back and continued to reach. He grabbed me by the waist and sat me down and lectured me. I stared at the ground like a little kid in trouble. I apologized and asked him to pass it to me. He did and we continued with our meal. I got up before him to grab something and he pulled me back down. I plopped down and my foot landed weird. I cried out and he grabbed my foot gently and put it his lap. I yelled to Isaiah and he came over. I showed him how to heal and he healed my foot. He sat with us and we ate. I ate politely and then I really needed to go to the bathroom. I told Sam where I was going through our mental link and he nodded. When I got up I walked quickly to bathrooms. When I was finished as I was washing my hands one of elders came in. I smiled and nodded to her. She smiled back and grabbed some boxes. They looked heavy so I grabbed a couple from her. She looked shocked and led me to where she needed them. I put them down and she thanked me. I came back to Sam and he shot me a questioning look. The elder came over to him. “Did you teach her etiquette now?” She asked him. He nodded. “Nobody else actually would have helped me with those stupid boxes.” She said. He beamed at both of us. I sat down next to him and he put his arm around me proudly. “You seem proud of yourself.” I said with a grin. He kissed me right in front of his friends. They just shook their heads. When he got up I followed him and shadowed him perfectly. We washed our dishes and we went to our little classroom. “Wait a minute,” he said, realizing something. “We didn’t go to school today.” He said. I ducked and ran. He tried to chase me but I’d built up my stamina. I ran all the way home. I laughed and flopped on the couch. About fifteen minutes later he puffed in the door. I laughed at how much better I was at running long distance than he was. He glared at me. “You’re…a brat…” He puffed at me. I laughed. I went in and found some ice-cream. I grabbed two spoons and threw in a movie as he puffed on the couch. We watched the movie and ate our ice cream and just had a great time. We made fun of how corny the movie was and when it was over we just sat there on the couch. We’d finished the ice cream already and it was just sitting by his foot. I grabbed it and threw it away and washed our spoons. I went upstairs and found my pajamas and got ready for bed. I got into bed with my hair tied back as usual. I crawled into bed and Sam came in a second later with only a pair of boxers on. “You know, it would have made my life easier if we would have stayed at the village.” He said, going into Isaiah’s room and searching for pajamas. I grabbed a pair that would fit him that was on the opposite side room as him. He was looking on the wrong side of the room. I threw them to him and he pulled them on. I went and climbed back in bed. He crawled in next to me and pulled me close. I fell asleep quickly. I woke up with a mixture of home and my new life filling my senses. On one hand, I was in my room and I’d always slept here. On the other hand, Sam was holding me tight and if this would have happened before I would have been rushing him out the door and feeling extremely awkward and I didn’t feel either. I stretched my toes and my fingers, trying not to wake him up yet; and failing. He stretched and sat up. He looked panicked for a moment and then he settled back into the bed. He went and showered and then grabbed some of Isaiah’s clothes. As soon as he was out of the shower I was in. “Don’t turn the water off!” I yelled at him as he was about to and I kicked him out of the bathroom, towel and all. I showered and grabbed some of my own clothes. He walked in while I was still toweling my hair and grabbed my brush and fixed his hair. He threw it to me when I stuck out my hand and I caught it. I brushed my hair and put on some makeup. I was putting on earrings when he noticed my latest painting. “It’s beautiful,” He told me and hugged me. My eyes were so ancient, like they’d seen a thousand years of misery. “Wow. It’s like an old lady in a not wrinkly body.” He said and he hugged me. “It makes you all the more beautiful. Only eyes that have seen pain give a satisfaction in their smile.” He said. I looked at him, shocked that he could say anything poetic. He just hadn’t seemed the type. “I write poetry every once in a while too,” He offered, looking timid. It made him look like a cute little boy admitting something to someone he trusted. I snuggled into him. “If we’re going to school, we’d better get going.” He said. He led me downstairs and started making omlets. He gave me an omlet and ate his. Once I’d finished eating it I got up and washed my dishes. I went upstairs and hid in my bedroom. I started painting again and this time it was a content image that came to the paper. It was a girl and I began painting on the tattoos that covered my body; I painted them swirling around her. I started with the outlines and slowly brought the color and detail inward, creating a swirl of these beautiful symbols showing her power. She had the elements swirling around her as well and she lifted her eyes and hands in wonder and joy. I created her expression to look amazed and wondering and unknowing and just alive in every way. I had the bottom of the painting raining and looking like every hurt in the world was there and on the top all the happiness of the world. There was a tree in the background that reflected on the bottom looking dead. This was my image. This was my love and life. Twisted with hurt and happiness and making a drastic change in between. When I was done painting it I saw Sam standing behind me, staring in wonder. I put my brush down and he held me. I could feel his amazement and his love for me brimming over in his mind and he kissed me. We walked to school and it was about lunch time. We stopped at McDonalds and got lunch and then we went to school. We showed up at school and when Isaiah and Rya and Qwen and Jenny saw us they all questioned us at once. “Isaiah, you obviously need more clothes by now, so we’re all going back to our house after school.” I said confidently, not leaving room for discussion or argument. I had art today but I’d already done my amazing work for the day. My art teacher thought I was above average but I’d never put much effort into it with her. “Okay guys, I wanna see your very best artwork. I want some of this to be famous!” She said with way to much enthusiasm. I raised my hand. She called on me. “I’ll do good if you stop with the seriously freakish optimism.” I said and half the class murmured assent. Her jaw dropped. I’d never said anything disrespectful to her in class. “Fine. I can be just as mean as I can be peppy.” She said and glared at us. A couple of kids took back their assent. She told us to do good or our grade would seriously suffer. She showed us where the paper was and told us to get to work. It was all our choice of what to do. I grabbed some paints and got a piece of canvas paper. I set it up and started painting my soul. I started with a broken wolf, broken up in puzzle pieces and them drifting back together. The wolf had all of my tattoos on it and I put my whole heart into it. I made the same sash that I wore in the spirit world. I made the trees of the village in the background. I made rolling hills and swirls of air and crashing waves, each down the same path that the wolf was walking. I put a fire beneath the wolf’s paws and the wolf was running toward the water in the distance. The moon was crescent shaped above the wolf’s head in the distance. I painted it in and then as the paint was drying and I stood back and studied it the bell rang to signify class being over. “Alright, give me what you have. Tell me what you’re doing and I’ll grade it so far on the planning.” She said in a harsh voice. I waited till everybody else was gone, putting everything away slowly, and I hadn’t let anybody else see what I’d done. “Hurry up!” She told me. I carried my painting over to her and set it on her desk. Her expression was the best thing I’d seen in years. I took out my phone and got a picture of her face and then one of my painting before she could ruin it. She looked up at me shocked and she couldn’t say anything. I left her room in silence. I found Sam and told him about the art teacher. He asked to see the painting. I showed him the picture on my phone and it just wasn’t a good photo. I led him to the art room and the art teacher was still staring at it. When he saw it he gasped. “Oh, it’s so…amazing July.” He said. “Put your name on it,” She said to me. I signed it and she hung it above her desk. “You could be famous,” She said. I shook my head. “I might sell them for the money but I don’t want fame. I don’t want worshipers and photographers.” I said and walked out with Sam at my side. I went through the rest of the day without a hitch or kink in anything. By the end of the day people were talking about the painting behind the art teachers’ desk and that a student had painted it. They all wanted to know. Jenny asked me and I told her it was mine. “You paint?” She asked me. “That well?” She asked me sarcastically. I took her down to the art room, and though there was a class was in there. I took it down and everybody started overreacting. They told the teacher and she nodded to me. I showed Jenny the name on the back. She just stared at me. I pointed out my sash and the elements to her, not loud enough for anybody else to hear. She just nodded. Some kids started to trickle up for a closer look at it. “I just can’t believe it was you!” Jenny said and about five kids who were coming up from behind us gawked. “You did this?” They asked. I showed them my signature and left the room. “You’re gonna be a legend here,” Jenny said. “And I’ll leave before it gets too far around the school. I’m gonna ask to take that home once I go to the bathroom.” I said. Jenny sighed and nodded. I got my painting and headed for home. Sam was next to me the entire time and Isaiah and Jenny were holding hands and discussing my artwork. Rya and Qwen were behind them discussing if they should send the baby here or to a school they could start up in the village. When we got to the house I put my painting on the counter and snuggled into the couch. Sam sat on the couch and turned on the football game and I rolled my eyes. I put my head on my lap and took a nap. I woke to Sam murmuring my name. “I didn’t know that dolls could carry whales to the ice cream shop and back to the cactus.” He said. I laughed. “Time to eat,” He said. I got up and we got our food and snuggled back up on the couch. I snuggled into him. When we finished eating, I cleaned the plates and put them away. When I was done with that I curled up on Sam’s lap again. He didn’t let me fall asleep this time, he just led me upstairs and helped me get into my pajamas. I was too drowsy to get dressed properly. He gave up after ten minutes of trying to get me dressed. He just told me to get into bed. I crawled into bed and sat there. He crawled into bed and woke me up by kissing me. His touch was magic and I finally woke up. Rya burst into our room and told us to get up. I rolled into Sam and hid my face in his chest. She dumped water on us and we both screamed. “What is your issue?” I yelled at her. “The village is in a panic. They don’t like not having us there so get your but down there.” She said. I grabbed the rest of my clothes and shoved them into another suitcase. I grabbed Sam and spirited us to our hut. I shoved the suitcase away from me and dragged Sam down on the mat with me. He didn’t struggle and I snuggled with him under the blanket. We were warm and cozy and then my mom burst in. “Where have you two been?” She demanded from me. “At home; I didn’t think it was that big a deal.” I said and cringed into him against the cold. “It’s not but you have to tell somebody where you’re going.” She said sympathetically. She left us in peace and I fell back asleep. I woke up again and Rya was getting ready to jump on me. “The wolf is beautiful,” she said. My mom came in behind her carrying my painting and grinning hugely. Josiah followed her in and I gawked. “What is this? Grand Central Station? This is where I was sleeping three seconds ago. I don’t need guys in here.” I said. My mom stared pointedly at Sam. “He counts as a fiancé so shut up.” I said and cuddled into him. Josiah’s eyes got really wide. “Aren’t you young for that in this time?” He asked me. “Yeah, well we’re not gonna be apart. It hurt too much,” I said. “I’ve dealt with a lot of pain before.” He said and looked at me with hard eyes. “You’ve dealt with emotional pain but not your spirit breaking.” I said to him. He lifted a brow and offered a hand. I blushed and tried to keep the blanket up and gave up and shook my head. He blushed and so did my mom and they just sat and looked awkward. “Rya?” I asked her and she tossed me some clothes. I pulled them on under my covers and I stood up. I almost fell over from vertigo and my mom caught me. “A little off balance these days?” She asked me with a grin. I nodded and leaned into her. When my legs were ready to support me and my mind was clear enough I reached out my hand. Josiah put his hand in mine. “How much do you want?” I asked him. “Show me the worst.” He said. I picked that terrible night when the pain had kept me awake. His knees buckled and he almost screamed. I stopped and he gasped. I held him up and he nodded. “You are very strong to have lived through that,” he said. I nodded. Then I realized my tattoos were starting to burn through my clothes again. “Oh, come on,” I complained I rifled through my clothes and grabbed a traditional dress. I went into the other room and changed. I came out and Josiah gasped. You look so much like Rya,” He said shocked. I nodded. “Why don’t you go get some food, I need to discuss some mother daughter things with July.” My mom said to him. Sam pulled on some jeans and a shirt and left. I followed him out of habit and Rya grabbed me. She sat me down on the bed and sat down with my mom. My mom sighed and Rya looked at her expectantly. “Um…July… Josiah and I sort of an item now,” She told me and stared at the ground. I laughed. “I’m not kidding!” She said looking insulted. “Mom, I freaked out when you started acting weird around him and asked my brothers. They told me that was what was happening and I already got used to that idea.” I said. She looked shocked and nodded. I lay back down and she lay next to me. “So you and Sam are going to get married?” She asked me. I smiled and nodded. “I’m so happy mom; I want to get out of high school first but I don’t have to go through the pain of dating anymore and I’m just so happy with him.” I said. She smiled and we talked about it for a while. Rya was just as active in the conversation as my mom and me were. We talked for hours and we all decided that our favorite baby names were Rose, Kori, and Iris and Uri, Anoki, and Dasan. It was fun and my brought out her laptop and we looked through all of these weird baby names. It was so much fun. Jenny came in after a while and we welcomed her and we went through all of these baby names and we had every name we could, rated on our scale. It was starting to be lunch time when Isaiah, Qwen, Sam and Josiah came in and began questioning what we were doing. I closed out of the window we were on and hid the piece of paper. “Let me see that paper,” Sam said to me. I panicked and gave it to Rya. Qwen asked for it and she gave it to my mom. Josiah asked for it and she gave it to Jenny who just gave it back to me. I had the earth swallow it. “Let me see the paper.” Sam said, starting to lose patience. My mom complained about not being able to keep something to ourselves if we wanted to. The guys just looked at her and Qwen told her to get over it. I giggled and muffled it quickly. Qwen brought the paper up from the ground and grabbed it. All of us girls tried to get it from him but the guys were slightly stronger than us. I told the elements to mask it. The paper went blank. Isaiah pinned me and looked at our history on the internet. “Why have you been looking at baby names. He didn’t know which of us to look at for this. //You should tell the village about the baby,// I said to Rya. She glared at me. “Well, they’re going out find out one way or the other, just don’t make it be me.” I said to her. “If you do, I swear,” She threatened. “You can’t make me hurt any worse than I already have,” I reminded her. I saw a dawning realization come across her face. “You tell them I’m having one, I’ll tell them you’re having one.” She said grinning. “But I’m not!” I said, wondering at her train of logic. She started chanting in an old language. Qwen’s eyes got wide and he covered her mouth quickly. She chanted in my head. “Block her!” He said to me forcefully. I did but a moment too late. She had finished her last word already. “Please tell me you didn’t hear the last word,” He said. “I did,” I responded. “What did she just do?” I asked him. “A fertility chant,” He answered. I smacked Rya as hard across the face as I could. I could see her eyes spinning and it had gotten dead quiet. She got up and her temper flared. She started chanting it and I told the air to stop her speech entirely. She couldn’t speak. She tried to get it back and I smiled. She came up and hit me hard but I didn’t care. I ran. I ran home and then I ran to granmas’ house. I knocked on the door and she let me in. I explained what had happened and she sat there shocked. “You can’t hit her, ever. It’s against law to hit an elder.” She said. “She’s not technically an elder.” I said. “She is the oldest of the village, therefore, an elder.” She responded. I shook my head and went into the room I normally slept in when I came over to grandma’s house. //I’m at…I’m safe.// I told Sam, not wanting him to know where I was. //As long as you’re safe…// He thought back to me. I slept and when I woke up I ate with grandma. She didn’t speak to me, seeing how lost in thought I was. Once I was showered and clean, I left the house and ran. I ran to a local park and got on a swing. I swung there for a long time. I was comfortable and though my hips were starting to hurt, I was content. //What does the fertility thing mean?// I asked Sam. //Unless you want a kid in highschool, we can’t even sleep in the same room for two weeks. We might not even be able to see each other for that long.// He said. //How would that work?// I asked him. //If we touched once it would become like fire and we’d… you’d get pregnant right away. There wouldn’t be any way to avoid it. Two weeks.// He said. I sighed heavily. I couldn’t kiss him for two weeks. I went to school and then I remembered I was wearing traditional village wear. They saw me but they didn’t bother me about what I was wearing. They could see the danger and the anger in my eyes and they gave up. I got through all my classes for that day and the next without a hitch. I was walking in the hallway and wasn’t paying attention and bumped somebody particularly hard and then there was a fire throughout my whole body. I wanted Sam so bad that it was need; I’d die if I didn’t touch him again. His lips came down hard on mine but the elements stopped it in time for me to get my mind back and I pushed him away and I ran away from the school. I ran home and I climbed into bed and cried. I stopped crying after a while and painted. I slept that night in my own bed. I woke up and turned on my music and started painting again. I couldn’t go to school anymore. //Are you going to school today, or am I?// He asked me. //You are.// I said and I could feel him laughing. I kept painting till the end of the day. When I was satisfied with the two paintings I’d done that day I went to bed. The next morning I woke up and showered. //You’re going to school today,// He said to me. //Yeah, I know,// I said to him. I went to school for an utterly uneventful day. I came home and made dinner, and watched a couple of movies. // You’re going to school today too, // He said in the morning. //Why?”// I asked him. //Because people need a shaman today.// He said. I got up and started getting ready. I was at school that day and at lunch I sat with my old friends and they pretty much ignored me. I decided to go to McDonalds because everything just looked nasty. I went and I bumped into somebody in the line. The pull was there again, but it was even stronger this time, and I wasn’t as strong this time. We both left the store and we went to my house. We were in my room and then the elements told me no. I grabbed my shirt back and went in the bathroom and locked all the doors.